Hey
I think I caught it
the tail end of an eternal string
floating and skimming the skies
exploring this life as just mine
light and content as the places go by
and when the stars start to light the sky
It's a perfect feeling money can't buy
it's the smallest things
like how I notice and feel
the patterns that the sunbeams illuminate
the way the sun feels pleasantly warm on my skin
the tingly warm and real feelings I have
like how I can be anywhere I want to be
in the stories I read
in the melodies I hear
and in the aesthetics I see
like how I push myself
for things I'm not particularly fond of
or trying though there's a risk of failing
and appreciating my efforts all the same
like how I don't feel sad and bleak
and talking to my friends don't feel like a chore
for all these moments
when I'm attuned with everything I'm feeling
I'm doing more than simply existing
I can't believe it's 4 months since I've blogged.
If I'm being completely honest, I've been feeling pretty down the past couple of months. Objectively speaking, life should be going well- no major problems, financial stability, pockets of time to hang out here and there. But underneath the surface, I've been feeling pretty burdened with work responsibilities, and I suppose, a mid-life crisis of sorts.
I've known that creating is what brings my soul joy, and I want to give more time to foster this creativity, refine my works and explore an alternative career path. The thing is, I simply don't have the energy/mood/time for these artist dates, and when I do, I sometimes find myself not deriving any joy in the process, simply because I feel overwhelmed at the back of my mind.
And so, I constantly rewire my mind, to make it a point to fit in the time, to let go of things that don't serve me well- i.e. worrying, but it's a vicious circle and I always find myself cycling back to the same point. If I don't make it a conscious effort to rewire, tasteless as it sounds, I'll just spiral down and not get anything done. In fact, I started writing this post a few months ago and came back to it on two occasions feeling the same, and what's more in the middle of yet another reset.
Suppose I need to clear my mind and remind myself to live in the moment, taking in and giving appreciation to all the things that ought to matter. Welp, hope you're not having as much of an existential crisis as I am. Toodles till next time!
remember fairies and diamonds
where we created
magic treasure
pearl white room
dipped in liquid gold
clouds surrounding treasure
we've picked our own
you bring me places
I never expected to love
get me fancy things
I never expected to have
white to my black
half full to my half empty
lolita to my scene
though the lines get blurred in between
you'll always be my greatest treasure
nowhere in between
we don't have seasons where we're at
yet it felt like summer when we met
sunlight found its way to everything we had
and i saw things in a perfect shade of red
got me chasing feelings in my head
painting us a deep wine red
for you i could be any kind of red
but you decided to go instead
yeah we don't have seasons where we're at
all i remember is it was dark when we met
and the moment i saw you i knew
i was in a getaway car
not where i was meant
with you i saw things in a perfect shade of blue
electric, comfortable, ethereal
like flashes painted across a midnight sky
cerulean waves of a song over the radio
memories of baby blue skies in my head
and i guess i got lucky instead
Meet Gabriel, our pet hybrid flowerhorn. Gabriel (otherwise affectionately known as gong gong) has been with us since 22 Jan 2020.
(Gabriel @ 31.12.2020 horrified by the flash from my polaroid camera)
He was somewhat ill when we got him as a baby, but grew into a handsome adult. Recently, he fell seriously ill around 6 Jan 2021, and we were almost sure we would lose him to swim bladder disease.
(Gabriel @ Jan 2020 when we first got him)
(Spot him hiding behind the plants in this picture)
Granted, swim bladder disease was our self diagnosis but seeing that he had a bloated belly and was perpetually floating upside down, it was the most likely disease.
(Gabriel @ 8 Jan 2021 with swim bladder disease)
1. Vets for Pets - Jurong (Dr June Ang)
2. Beecroft Bird & Exotics Veterinary Clinic
Beecroft does house calls too! However, as we started providing swim bladder medication to Gabriel (around 3 days after he fell ill), we monitored the situation. We didn't want to bring him down to a vet since we were unsure how he would take the trip.
We used swim bladder treatment+ by interpet. We medicated him according to instructions: giving a new dosage on the 4th, 8th and 12th day, doing a water change whenever necessary.
Gabriel also stopped eating when he fell sick. We started to hand feed him ground green peas + water using a syringe around the 4th or 5th day. After about a week of peas, we handfed him ground pellets + water using same said syringe.
This was adapted from youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAtUVFOlkfU
No photos were taken of this process as we felt like we were force feeding him and I was really disheartened at this point. (you can refer to the video above though- we did the exact same process)
Gabriel started sinking on 12 Jan and we shifted him to the normal tank.
He had fungal infection and started lying at the bottom of the tank on 13 Jan.
The turning point came on 24 Jan where he started swimming occasionally and using the filter to prop himself up. This happened till 26 Jan.
(Gabriel @ 24-26 Jan 2021 using the filter to prop himself up)
On 27 Jan, although he was still sinking to the bottom, he no longer laid on the ground. Things continued to improve. Currently, he seems to have made a full recovery and is slowly regaining his colours. He also accepts cuddles these days and we can't express how happy we are!
(Gabriel after recovery but with fungal infection still- at his belly)
(Gabriel accepting cuddles during a water change)
(Gabriel's current diet)
May there not be such a severe reoccurrence ever and hopefully this post can help a fellow fish parent.
xoxo
Update: Gabriel passed on 19 Apr 2021 at 12:40am after another reoccurrence. He'll always be dearly missed.
the simulation just went bad
but you're the best i ever had
like handprints in wet cement
she touched me
it's permanent
I've been wanting to go back to the mullet forever and i finally did!
Although it felt like forever, looking back at my photo album for verification, I only started actually growing my hair out in 2018. I have lived and survived for this one something year with hair clips and hair ties... No more.
Somehow, having a mullet brings me great joy. I feel more effortlessly like me- if that makes sense. And to think i waited so long to get my hair back to normal. Also, as much as I want to be committed to keeping my hair this way constantly, my hairstylist isn't cheap, so I'll probably butcher it up once or twice along the way.
Welp. Let's just enjoy the freshness of the cut while it lasts. 😄
Did I mention just how much I feel like doing an underlayer bleach or color? Maybe i'll experiment with semi permanent colours... Maybe.
Here's ending the post with a picture of Mokona and I at USS (for purpose of this photo only). Upon viewing the picture on my phone, I had the impression we had terribly unsynchronised hands, but after posting this, I see now that we synchronise to match the tilt of the USS prop. Cheap thrills indeed.💓
xoxo
I knew i loved you the moment we met
i knew i wanted you
the moment your arm touched mine
across a theatre side
thought you could like me too
the moment you stayed
took me places every time
smiled like it was just mine
laughed like i fit with you just right
shared stories like i could understand every line
felt like you could love me just right
like you could be just mine
like i only had you in my sights
but you let go when i was falling
let go when i was hoping
let go when i was trying
never called you out for having options
leaving them out in the open
still wondered if we could happen
felt like i loved and lost
like i closed my eyes and you were gone
tried to pretend like every ache didn't belong
but with every passing moment
i knew that you were never worth it
every strong emotion you inspired
was clearly never reciprocated
i picked up the pieces
to put them back stronger
never accepted your call
when you finally knocked on my door
This night
you hold my heart in your hands
heartbeat in my palms crystal
and every breath is magic, full of life
can this feeling be forever
there's nothing quite so real and alive
this night
you hold my heart in your eyes
heartbeat in my chest crystal
and every gift is precious, fits just right
can this feeling be forever
nothing's quite so easy to lose and regret
that's right
love is a net
catching tender feelings
losing the bad
etching them so I never forget
Everything is blue
his pills , his hands , his jeans
and now i'm covered in the colors pull apart at the seams
and it's blue
and it's blue
Everything is grey
his hair , his smoke , his dreams
and now he's so devoid of color
he don't know what it means
and he's blue
and he's blue
i never needed anything more
whispers of are you sure
never have i ever before
but i can see us
lost in the memory
august slipped away into a moment in time
cuz it was never mine
and i can see us
twisted in bedsheets
august sipped away like a bottle of wine
cuz you were never mine
the pieces of a puzzle fall in place softly and strangely
like something you don't understand
yet know more than anything
like something you want to pick apart
to satisfy a lingering curiosity
but you revel so much in the novelty
you can feel it in your bones
nothing is going to come from scrutiny
maybe some things are meant to remain unsolved mysteries
unstoppable
immovable
unavoidable
and oh so whimsical
HELLLOOOOOO .
toodles
like something you don't understand
yet know more than anything
like something you want to pick apart
to satisfy a lingering curiosity
but you revel so much in the novelty
you can feel it in your bones
nothing is going to come from scrutiny
maybe some things are meant to remain unsolved mysteries
unstoppable
immovable
unavoidable
and oh so whimsical
HELLLOOOOOO .
sorry i've been gone for so long . gotta say that i missed this space so much and i'll continue updating with all the heart i have . to someone like me , each post is art and content so ... i'll do my best with each one .
when i look back , they all remind me of another place and another time .
when i look back , they all remind me of another place and another time .
it's pretty surprising that the last time i blogged about FETH was August 2019 , which makes now close to a year since then . it's probably more alarming that i have not completed said FETH . part of the delay is caused by trying to maximise the replay value for each battle sequence . another is the setback of having no save feature in battles which makes gameplay less handy .
annnddd of course , the largest cause is procrastination - something you will almost always find me guilty of . in my defence , i am at least , at chapter 10 .
while FETH is making slow progress , i completed Pokemon Shield . i got to say , i loveee Piers and Raihan . mmm , my pokemon too yes . Piers and Raihan were just a really pleasant surprise cuz pokemon trainers haven't caught my eye since Lance and Koga . talk about low expectations .
i also started on animal crossing , which heavily features me trying to catch sharks right now seeing it's shark season in the northern hemisphere . my animal crossing character design is grimmjow inspired and the concept is sticking awesomely well . now , if only i could find the same inspiration to revamp my island .
moving away from the virtual context , my work life has been calming down . since wfh , work was really a tough cookie . i felt like i was drowning and struggling 80% of the time with no personal time to myself . now that things are calming down , i mulled it over with a fresh perspective and concluded that busy = busy , regardless of wfh or no . it just so happens the work pile came on during wfh season .
to the age old question people are asking- wfh yay or nay
i like to keep to myself and don't thrive on mingling so wfh is awesome for me . BUT , i miss interacting with the couple of friends in office who are really awesome people . they make it really sweet to go to work with morning coffee runs and random perk me ups . i know that's sentiment , which really counts more than monetary and personal considerations such as travelling woes and personal comfort .
then again , there are times i don't feel sentimental .
which concludes - personally i would really love a mix of wfh/office . nonetheless , i hope everyone is holding up fine be it wfh or office .
remember to keep safe wherever , whenever 💖
toodles
