the simulation just went bad
but you're the best i ever had
like handprints in wet cement
she touched me
it's permanent
I've been wanting to go back to the mullet forever and i finally did!
Although it felt like forever, looking back at my photo album for verification, I only started actually growing my hair out in 2018. I have lived and survived for this one something year with hair clips and hair ties... No more.
Somehow, having a mullet brings me great joy. I feel more effortlessly like me- if that makes sense. And to think i waited so long to get my hair back to normal. Also, as much as I want to be committed to keeping my hair this way constantly, my hairstylist isn't cheap, so I'll probably butcher it up once or twice along the way.
Welp. Let's just enjoy the freshness of the cut while it lasts. 😄
Did I mention just how much I feel like doing an underlayer bleach or color? Maybe i'll experiment with semi permanent colours... Maybe.
Here's ending the post with a picture of Mokona and I at USS (for purpose of this photo only). Upon viewing the picture on my phone, I had the impression we had terribly unsynchronised hands, but after posting this, I see now that we synchronise to match the tilt of the USS prop. Cheap thrills indeed.💓
xoxo
I knew i loved you the moment we met
i knew i wanted you
the moment your arm touched mine
across a theatre side
thought you could like me too
the moment you stayed
took me places every time
smiled like it was just mine
laughed like i fit with you just right
shared stories like i could understand every line
felt like you could love me just right
like you could be just mine
like i only had you in my sights
but you let go when i was falling
let go when i was hoping
let go when i was trying
never called you out for having options
leaving them out in the open
still wondered if we could happen
felt like i loved and lost
like i closed my eyes and you were gone
tried to pretend like every ache didn't belong
but with every passing moment
i knew that you were never worth it
every strong emotion you inspired
was clearly never reciprocated
i picked up the pieces
to put them back stronger
never accepted your call
when you finally knocked on my door
This night
you hold my heart in your hands
heartbeat in my palms crystal
and every breath is magic, full of life
can this feeling be forever
there's nothing quite so real and alive
this night
you hold my heart in your eyes
heartbeat in my chest crystal
and every gift is precious, fits just right
can this feeling be forever
nothing's quite so easy to lose and regret
that's right
love is a net
catching tender feelings
losing the bad
etching them so I never forget
Everything is blue
his pills , his hands , his jeans
and now i'm covered in the colors pull apart at the seams
and it's blue
and it's blue
Everything is grey
his hair , his smoke , his dreams
and now he's so devoid of color
he don't know what it means
and he's blue
and he's blue
i never needed anything more
whispers of are you sure
never have i ever before
but i can see us
lost in the memory
august slipped away into a moment in time
cuz it was never mine
and i can see us
twisted in bedsheets
august sipped away like a bottle of wine
cuz you were never mine
the pieces of a puzzle fall in place softly and strangely
like something you don't understand
yet know more than anything
like something you want to pick apart
to satisfy a lingering curiosity
but you revel so much in the novelty
you can feel it in your bones
nothing is going to come from scrutiny
maybe some things are meant to remain unsolved mysteries
unstoppable
immovable
unavoidable
and oh so whimsical
HELLLOOOOOO .
toodles
like something you don't understand
yet know more than anything
like something you want to pick apart
to satisfy a lingering curiosity
but you revel so much in the novelty
you can feel it in your bones
nothing is going to come from scrutiny
maybe some things are meant to remain unsolved mysteries
unstoppable
immovable
unavoidable
and oh so whimsical
HELLLOOOOOO .
sorry i've been gone for so long . gotta say that i missed this space so much and i'll continue updating with all the heart i have . to someone like me , each post is art and content so ... i'll do my best with each one .
when i look back , they all remind me of another place and another time .
when i look back , they all remind me of another place and another time .
it's pretty surprising that the last time i blogged about FETH was August 2019 , which makes now close to a year since then . it's probably more alarming that i have not completed said FETH . part of the delay is caused by trying to maximise the replay value for each battle sequence . another is the setback of having no save feature in battles which makes gameplay less handy .
annnddd of course , the largest cause is procrastination - something you will almost always find me guilty of . in my defence , i am at least , at chapter 10 .
while FETH is making slow progress , i completed Pokemon Shield . i got to say , i loveee Piers and Raihan . mmm , my pokemon too yes . Piers and Raihan were just a really pleasant surprise cuz pokemon trainers haven't caught my eye since Lance and Koga . talk about low expectations .
i also started on animal crossing , which heavily features me trying to catch sharks right now seeing it's shark season in the northern hemisphere . my animal crossing character design is grimmjow inspired and the concept is sticking awesomely well . now , if only i could find the same inspiration to revamp my island .
moving away from the virtual context , my work life has been calming down . since wfh , work was really a tough cookie . i felt like i was drowning and struggling 80% of the time with no personal time to myself . now that things are calming down , i mulled it over with a fresh perspective and concluded that busy = busy , regardless of wfh or no . it just so happens the work pile came on during wfh season .
to the age old question people are asking- wfh yay or nay
i like to keep to myself and don't thrive on mingling so wfh is awesome for me . BUT , i miss interacting with the couple of friends in office who are really awesome people . they make it really sweet to go to work with morning coffee runs and random perk me ups . i know that's sentiment , which really counts more than monetary and personal considerations such as travelling woes and personal comfort .
then again , there are times i don't feel sentimental .
which concludes - personally i would really love a mix of wfh/office . nonetheless , i hope everyone is holding up fine be it wfh or office .
remember to keep safe wherever , whenever 💖
toodles
as long as i'm here
no one can hurt you
don't wanna lie here
but you can learn to
if i could change the way that you see yourself
you wouldn't wonder why you hear
they don't deserve you
To continue from where I left off since the last , I:
- got married
- moved into our new place
- got our own pets
- completed Pokemon Shield
- worked on many pieces but completed none
- fluctuate in and out of cynicism
really thankful to be where I am right now .
ending this post with photos , will visit and update soon :)
xoxo
I was running to escape a prison I built
Found you enough for a second look
Thought I could heal
All while I was dreaming of anyone but you
You had dreams you never believed
I had dreams
they were too beautiful for you to see
I kept them under lock and key
Together with the rest of me
You knelt
Stepped on many thorns
Should have made me happy
It made me mad
Drove me crazy
Hated the sound of your name on my lips
Never could see
I was a queen
I didn’t need a pawn
I wanted a king
We didn’t match
My patience grew thin
I changed the lock
Tossed the keys
And found the best thing to happen to me
Found you enough for a second look
Thought I could heal
All while I was dreaming of anyone but you
You had dreams you never believed
I had dreams
they were too beautiful for you to see
I kept them under lock and key
Together with the rest of me
You knelt
Stepped on many thorns
Should have made me happy
It made me mad
Drove me crazy
Hated the sound of your name on my lips
Never could see
I was a queen
I didn’t need a pawn
I wanted a king
We didn’t match
My patience grew thin
I changed the lock
Tossed the keys
And found the best thing to happen to me
Think about the place where you first met me ,
Ridin’ in a getaway car ,
There were sirens in the beat of your heart
So . Fire Emblem Three Houses . Or FETH .
Ridin’ in a getaway car ,
There were sirens in the beat of your heart
So . Fire Emblem Three Houses . Or FETH .
**MILD SPOILERS AHEAD SO PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK**
Claude pre time skip:
Like I expected , there’s no customization for Byleth (MU) but the design for Byleth (F) is nice and i can’t find reason to complain at all really .
Before starting my journey , I did terribly extensive research to find out which house I wanted (cuz marriage candidates of course) . And I chose Golden Deer because , have you seen Claude post time skip ??
Here he is post time skip:
Claude pre time skip:
Now, i’m 100% for post time skip Claude of course 🔥🔥
Claude wasn’t my first choice because i eliminate the main characters by default . Can you blame me ? My default mains were Chrom and Xander . I went for Vaike and Keaton and never looked back ~
I pondered over Felix , then Sylvain , but gave up on them because their characteristics were floppy at best . Relooking at my choices found me my favourite troublemaker 💛
Whilst playing (about 10 hours now) , I quickly came to a realisation that FETH is crazy different in terms of playthrough . The other FE games could be played to perfection . Meaning , standard recruitment 100% , best/good pairings could be achieved , all characters could be maxed out . Things to do were also pretty standard and side quests were manageable .
For FETH , its impossible to play it to perfection . I spend so much time finding dialogues that will give me support boosts and so much time to recruit someone . The side quests are like a whole separate gameplay of their own . Trust me when I say It’s best to play with a free and easy approach . Currently , I’m trying to recruit Bernadetta , Ashe and Felix .
**END SPOILERS**
I promise to blog more on FETH when I’ve played for a longer time but don’t wait up (could take forever , xoxo)
This is the 324934809th time I'm typing this entry because the old ones didn't work after I went back to them. Tbh I feel the need to blog but I have no clue how to…
So i'm just going to be throwing words at you. K.
I used to be and still am pretty big on privacy because to me, it equates to a greater freedom.
Letting go at some points; certain points, is pretty disconcerting but I need to seriously suck it up, man up, and roll ahead. I am only as powerful as I make myself to be after all.
Guess I finally reached the conclusion that it's no excuse not to work on self expression and self confidence under the guise of privacy and not acknowledging that I am somewhat lacking in these areas.
Leaving the stigma behind one piece at a time till imma force to be reckoned with. 💪
All the major upcoming changes to my personal life and work is eating at me. Lemme just pen them down here to tell myself I'll be okay. At work, trends dictate that we have to be reactive. Being a perfectionist, a lot of time is spent planning things to the minute details and having those plans derailed. That's painful. But it's commonplace.
Just gotta take a huge breath and make it work another way. The best results are not necessarily produced with the best efforts. But the best efforts paves the way to producing the best results.
And what do you know, I'm coping better now.
Work matters aside, the thing about my love life- I've always dated for the thrill and the romance and never thought much about long term plans.
And so the elimination process goes: Piercings? Hot. Multiple? Why not. Tattoos? That's lit. Not much money? ... Does it matter? Guess what I'm trying to say is as long as I see something I like, I'd get it. Sorta like shopping for clothes without too much of a budget y'get what i meannnn.
It was all about the romance. C'mon who doesn't like romance? I guess you can safely say I'm terribly nonconforming. I have never actually believed in the notion of love and never said these words to my previous partners.
Because I'm so private, no one really judged or knew much. I never delved into the intricacies or inner workings of any relationship.
Truth is, deep (or not so deep) down, I'm afraid of commitment and anything long term in a relationship. I pretty much developed an aversion to dudes if at the start, they talk about their dream marriage, the number of children they want, or about how romantic growing old together is.
Imagining myself holding a wedding is scary because I don't fancy having so much fanfare, i'm totally chill with or without children, if with, just one please. and i never want to grow old! (unlike some people i know...)
So it was naturally always flight and not fight for me.
Welp, something changed. Guess I managed to open up to my husband to be (still don't know how he managed😂) and decided to take the leap of faith so sue me and all my preconceived notions about love. I found something more when I wasn't looking and I'm not going to give it up for any personal insecurities i may harbor, but i admit it's going to be a tough journey because the whole long term concept goes against my baser instincts so I'm re-calibrating. To force down the flight and start to fight.
Looks like I'm a slow bloomer, but I'm glad to be able to feel now rather than never.
I'm another, to put myself out there, vulnerable but with faith against whatever. That's how the greatest things function, dependent and depending. Not everyone understands and not everyone believes. But love can be extraordinary if we so choose it.
Just remind me to keep blogging?
kthnxbye💓
had to lose my way
to know which road to take
I'm overdue with this one . when you see me on hiatus , half of the time it's writer's block to blame , the other half's all me . life has been going really awesome lately so i stopped to smell the flowers , slowed down to enjoy the small moments and strengthened my resolve to work harder at the things that are important to me . also , i'm here excitedly waiting for fire emblem to hit in July and praying for customization (although it doesn't seem promising) from the videos that are available , it looks like three houses is going to be freaking awesome .
sorry for the short post, blog again soon ♥
his hair , tinged with burgundy , made me reminisce my love for scene
he was all expressive eyebrows , i remember all too well
he was a lopsided smile , quirked at the edges
he was the second time i fell in love with a voice
and i fell
too hard
too fast
was too much to handle much too soon
he gave up
i held on
thinking
we were surely meant for something great
it was a resounding silence
i walked away
but i lingered
then i waited
i gave it all the time i could
before i gave my heart to someone new
and the reasons i loved him were nothing like the tales of old
nothing like how i imagined i could pen in the dead of the night
it was nothing flowery doused with glitter littered with ribbons
it was the tender moments
it was the moments we were grateful
it was the moments we wanted to do better
it was the moments
he chose me
when my words were daggers
thrown and meant to maim
it was in the moments
he chose us
when my words were poison
laced and meant to kill
and i thought
we will only keep getting better
if we never falter
and this safe place
is what it means to always have a place to call home
to know which road to take
I'm overdue with this one . when you see me on hiatus , half of the time it's writer's block to blame , the other half's all me . life has been going really awesome lately so i stopped to smell the flowers , slowed down to enjoy the small moments and strengthened my resolve to work harder at the things that are important to me . also , i'm here excitedly waiting for fire emblem to hit in July and praying for customization (although it doesn't seem promising) from the videos that are available , it looks like three houses is going to be freaking awesome .
sorry for the short post, blog again soon ♥
his hair , tinged with burgundy , made me reminisce my love for scene
he was all expressive eyebrows , i remember all too well
he was a lopsided smile , quirked at the edges
he was the second time i fell in love with a voice
and i fell
too hard
too fast
was too much to handle much too soon
he gave up
i held on
thinking
we were surely meant for something great
it was a resounding silence
i walked away
but i lingered
then i waited
i gave it all the time i could
before i gave my heart to someone new
and the reasons i loved him were nothing like the tales of old
nothing like how i imagined i could pen in the dead of the night
it was nothing flowery doused with glitter littered with ribbons
it was the tender moments
it was the moments we were grateful
it was the moments we wanted to do better
it was the moments
he chose me
when my words were daggers
thrown and meant to maim
it was in the moments
he chose us
when my words were poison
laced and meant to kill
and i thought
we will only keep getting better
if we never falter
and this safe place
is what it means to always have a place to call home
all i knew , this morning when i woke ,
is i know something now , know something now i didn't before
over the course of last month , i was overwhelmed by the need to pen my thoughts more than once . hoping to sort out the mess , to focus . but every other time it feels like i'm grasping for words not within my reach , so they became drafts sitting in my blogspace .
sometimes i revisit an entry and draw strength or feelings from them , i love words and feel that it's important to write clearly and with feeling . it's the same reason why i love songs ; they represent the start and end of many chapters of sorts for me , and i can always revisit and recreate those chapters whenever i feel the need for nostalgia .
so i spent some time combing through my old entries (since 2013) ; in case you were wondering , this instance of combing means skimming through and occasionally really reading a particular entry .
looking back , I've never regretted blogging about feelings , placing photos , sharing about happy things and my hair journey . i'm sure it's a cue for me to keep it up . and when an old entry comes across as juvenile in terms of content , i can only cringe but be glad that i've grown up mentally and moved past any roadblocks .
it's time to close the old chapters and keep looking forward . all of us have to grow up at some point .
it's has been a tradition to share about overseas trips , so here's me talking about my Fukuoka trip just last month ! here is my travel companion and best buddy ~
the first day we embarked on our trip , we touched down at Hong Kong airport for a transit in the wee hours of the morning . it was our second time transiting at Hong Kong (i've never been to Hong Kong itself outside it's airport) .
we had an interesting time shopping about the airport and having breakfast there before flying off .
if you spent time reading the earlier commentary , we therefore didn't do much on day 1 in Japan cuz we reached in the afternoon , but we checked out the hakata lights and took some nice pictures :)
the second day had us checking out Dazaifu and eating Ichiran:
that's the super aesthetic starbucks and me yet discovering the gem that is iced chai tea latte . after many nice photos and wishes later , we went to tenjin for shopping and got our 1st loot of the trip ! pokemon , anime merchandise , gundams and what not .
as for our third day , we went to Marine World @ Uminonakamichi . unfortunately (or fortunately) , we were too fascinated by marine life that we missed the seaside park by its opening hours .
undeterred , we went to see the lights at Canal City and the pokemon centre after our marine escapade . yup , 2nd loot of the trip for us .
thanks to my white puff for the stitch cable bite <3 br="">
Day 4: there was an AAA concert event just beside our hotel ! we went to check out the merch in the morning before going to book our shuttle bus to the airport for the next day .
we went to the mall nearby to get starbucks and that was when this happened:
chai fabulous chai .
we had an udon spread for lunch before heading to the Fukuoka Castle and Fukuoka Tower after Fukuoka Castle:
after we finished Fukuoka Tower , we went back for an onsen experience at our hotel , which was awesomeee with stone hot coals , water , oh well you get the gist .
do consider going for the onsen if you are staying in Hilton Fukuoka Sea Hawk !
Day 5 got us feeling sad about leaving our humble crib behind . this is the view from our hotel window:
we also woke up for the breakfast spread at the hotel for the very first time .
on the subject of hotcakes , these from 7-11 are pretty good:
day 6 sees us back in Singapore .
till next time !
is i know something now , know something now i didn't before
over the course of last month , i was overwhelmed by the need to pen my thoughts more than once . hoping to sort out the mess , to focus . but every other time it feels like i'm grasping for words not within my reach , so they became drafts sitting in my blogspace .
sometimes i revisit an entry and draw strength or feelings from them , i love words and feel that it's important to write clearly and with feeling . it's the same reason why i love songs ; they represent the start and end of many chapters of sorts for me , and i can always revisit and recreate those chapters whenever i feel the need for nostalgia .
so i spent some time combing through my old entries (since 2013) ; in case you were wondering , this instance of combing means skimming through and occasionally really reading a particular entry .
looking back , I've never regretted blogging about feelings , placing photos , sharing about happy things and my hair journey . i'm sure it's a cue for me to keep it up . and when an old entry comes across as juvenile in terms of content , i can only cringe but be glad that i've grown up mentally and moved past any roadblocks .
it's time to close the old chapters and keep looking forward . all of us have to grow up at some point .
it's has been a tradition to share about overseas trips , so here's me talking about my Fukuoka trip just last month ! here is my travel companion and best buddy ~
we had an interesting time shopping about the airport and having breakfast there before flying off .
if you spent time reading the earlier commentary , we therefore didn't do much on day 1 in Japan cuz we reached in the afternoon , but we checked out the hakata lights and took some nice pictures :)
the second day had us checking out Dazaifu and eating Ichiran:
as for our third day , we went to Marine World @ Uminonakamichi . unfortunately (or fortunately) , we were too fascinated by marine life that we missed the seaside park by its opening hours .
we went to the mall nearby to get starbucks and that was when this happened:
we had an udon spread for lunch before heading to the Fukuoka Castle and Fukuoka Tower after Fukuoka Castle:
do consider going for the onsen if you are staying in Hilton Fukuoka Sea Hawk !
Day 5 got us feeling sad about leaving our humble crib behind . this is the view from our hotel window:
on the subject of hotcakes , these from 7-11 are pretty good:
day 6 sees us back in Singapore .
till next time !
