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Like a moth to the flame

by - July 31, 2016

Some try to give me money , they don't understand
i'm not broke , i'm just a brokenhearted man

Rushing for an entry for July on the last day of the month , can you tell ?
HAHA *shrugs* what , i made it anyhoo .

this entry is gonna be to you a probable mass of idiosyncrasies , but feel free .
perhaps this is what people call a quarter life crisis .

it's kinda supposed to help me with what i want to do with life, though i don't think much people will correlate .

to be honest ,  i grew up expecting myself to build a frugal life , what with my upbringing and with most of the people i date , cue , not as well to do . and to be perfectly honest , i feel that people conspire against me , with the studying or marriage pitch , to get more and have more .

and still , this ideology hasn't changed .

granted , when i say frugal , i mean enough to get by comfortably , not scrimping and struggling . though my standards have also risen comparatively ,  they haven't risen excessively .

i don't have any intention to further my studies as what i have now sustains this life i want . i don't want to trade cost and comfort for something inconsequential . and although i wouldn't mind studying for the sake or pursuing my interests , it puts a wedge on my lifestyle .

in conclusion , if i decide that i should ever start studying , it's going to be self taught .
it's of no secret that i want to do something with my art or publish a book , even books . self study would mean i take my free time to get more practice in , explore more styles and read more .

marriage doesn't work either as it doesn't make sense to rely on someone else , get used to a lavish life and having to re-adapt thereafter , were anything to happen . though it would be different if we are talking about someone we could trust completely , but given that my choice in life partners are cheats , liars or con-men , i don't feel the idea sane . i could pick someone i'm not as drawn to , but , what would be the point ? it makes my head spin but i figure i'll get there eventually .

so yup , once i'm ready i will start my personal developments in terms of field of expertise and get in more exercise to stay healthy .

on a side note , it would be good if people all minded their own business and don't betray your trust , but looking around , politics and backstabbers are everywhere . so sometimes , i wonder why i keep up my moral compass because it's always a struggle when i get hurt , but ultimately , conscience always prevails ; well mostly . it's kind of like controlled chaos .

ok , the proverbial word vomit is over . hopefully it makes for a decent july entry :)


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