i have a hard time deciding on the audience of this blog .
mostly i feel my posts could be openly read because there isnt too much personal content but occassionally i have my doubts on this stand . im not as closed as certain people and i have no qualms about letting certain things be known , but on the other hand being as i am i dislike people knowing certain things as well . i'm terribly selective .

and every time i state things like this , i will add another point to my contradictory nature . honestly maybe i really do have a split personality .

mostly though , as strange as it is , i write for my own personal satisfaction but i do admit it may be useful for future and current affairs . if i make this blog public and slowly garner viewership , its good because when people are interested in you or your matters , you will get a following which is an essential to market anything you want to market .

cons of posting publicly is that i will feel restricted by the viewership and limit or change the content i post , which in turn results in loss of personal satisfaction . Of course i actually created a tumblr account for the very purpose of posting content separate from this blog but i got lazy . it's part of my 2013 resolution actually to post at least once every week on tumblr , but i may start early , lets see how it goes .

my next point is about me and studies and me and work .

it's no secret that i prefer work to studies as i get paid , plus studying is more of a chore . since i am more of a perfectionist , i tend to work hard or even extra hard when i find something i am good at or i like to do . i am neither good nor pleased with accounting and finance so i lack motivation for the field . while im working i cant possibly take an arts course as well since there wont be enough time to juggle both .

i hate to pointlessly part with my money which is why im not studying at the moment .

savings is important so i don't want to splurge everything on studying .
and i kind of don't get the picture why most people maintain a mindset that studies are a must .
maybe it's because i don't have great ambitions or that i just want to have a simple life so my views slightly differ . i refuse to live a tiring life so to me what im having now is fine , although it could be considered something like putting all my eggs in one basket .

if i spend $20k to study for 3 years , how much can i get with my new qualification is subjective .
if i can get a $300 pay increase every year , my pay would probably be about the same as if i obtain that degree and start work . i don't know . am i naive or is society too complicated ?

actually my childhood ambition was to be an artist . but there has been certain improvisations made to this plan as i don't believe i can survive comfortably with this as my sole occupation .
well , given hard work put in after or while saving more money , i probably could venture into publishing books or manga or maintain a site that generates income , or run a shop that sell things ; all of which i am very much eying with a quizzical air . what are the chances given the odds really . but even that being said , these are the things that i would like doing , so i wouldn't mind trying .

another thing i don't mind doing as a sideline as well would be fashion .

because i did seriously consider this , i know it's not easy and it would require a lot of effort . nothing is an easy investment . as i am still enjoying my carefree life i feel it isn't the time to start yet but it is a gradual process so i presume i should start being more active *stops to ponder*

ok enough of heavier than usual shit . i promise to photo blog next . bai ♥