I'm serious . don't want to run out of my room screaming bloody murder at unearthly hours . screaming is so uncharacteristic of me i know . (i still maintain that it's not a really girly scream) but i just can't stand insects :(

keep having encounters with them which caused me to run on all 4 occasions , out from my room twice , out from the toilet once and to my lift once . all were equally as scary :( . room ones threatens me by flying and attacking my bed , toilet one drops down on the floor (luckily not on me) when i try to close the door ,  and i almost stepped on the void deck one . we panicked together after .

just thinking about it makes my skin crawl . if i had a few wishes probably one of them would be to rid the world of these critters once and for all ; ok , im whining but i've yet to recover from these traumatic experiences . seriously i think they are the scariest creatures in the world . 

assuming there will be no physical harm caused to myself , i'd rather cuddle with a crocodile , lion or tiger , all three of which i find rather cute and endearing . somehow if you ask me to choose a lion pit or cockroach pit i think i'll pick the lion pit . 

ok enough about the roaches , on to better things .

work on saturday was good actually though i did a little OT due to my last interview . but all of them were nice so that's good enough for me . after work went to collect photoshop cs3 from jj ! sucha lifesaver ♥ . was tired of not being able to colour works that i really wanted to colour and doing editing with lousy (ok lousier) programs .



here's my kidd wip . i predict i'll be spending alot of time on him .
and thereafter there's law . but it's somewhat therapeutic , albeit testing my patience so it's still all good .


everytime i colour somehow there will be a song that i keep playing on repeat .
as you can see , this time it's seungri's what can i do: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QZo5Ji43u8 

the song is catchy ~

ate super late lunch by the time i reached home on sat which was like 3 plus close to 4 , then went out to JP to meet jamie for shopping and chilling , some photos though i know they are already on fb :D

...did i mention how grateful i am that my bob looks rather cute in photos ? hahaha .

um . although i feel like writing a philosophical post , i'm a little lazy . kidd is taking up most of my space so the processing is now a little slow .

but i did say i'd do a romance post in the previous entry that's why even though it's long , i hope you'd take the time to read it :)

so as for what i mean about this feeling ,

if you use the dictionary, there are a few definitions:

noun- an exciting and mysterious quality (as of a heroic time or adventure) - (1)
noun- a novel dealing with idealized events remote from everyday life - (2)
noun- a story dealing with love - (3)
noun- a relationship between two lovers - (4)

i used to think (and i think it may be popular belief) that the word romance is (3 and 4) a story dealing with love or a relationship between two lovers . but after exposure with various sherlock holmes novels , i realized that the use of this word is not so limited and it was the word that places my feelings perfectly sometimes (1) , it is what i often seek (1) , and i also often dream about idealized events which makes (2) a frequent for me too . as such , i may be a helpless romantic in some ways .

no seriously , i wonder if others do often feel this way or it is just me .

from young i often encountered the feeling of romance (1) , even the smallest things could spark it off . but as i grew older , the encounters deteriorated , which is sad because i like to live with romance , it makes life all fine and dandy . it could be that i'm hitting a dry spell (which sucks mind you) .

after some deliberation though ; and perhaps because i stumbled on xiaxue's latest entry on the secret , i suppose it could be due to the issue of belief . since we are being exposed to more unpleasant things when we grow up and we live life at a fast pace , it makes me lose faith once in awhile , that some things and some feelings precious no longer exist any more . and that causes much negative feelings of seeking the impossible to reside inside me .

it is also due to my faith , i do feel a separation with God . like merl says we sometimes do backslide but we do not become completely detached , we draw closer but we may go back again . of course i speak only for myself at this point in time , because i believe that she is doing much better than me .

the same principle is in question . since we entrust our lives to him , we must trust him to guide us . and that means to believe . we have to practice forgiveness . and for that it means not to hold on to negative feelings . whether towards yourself or towards others .

contrary to popular belief , perhaps being cynical rather than naive makes you weak , and trying and failing rather than not trying at all is a greater accomplishment in itself . maybe the strongest people are the weakest and the weakest the strongest . after all , you will have to fail a few times to succeed , the only thing to keep in mind is not to give up and keep trying . that being said , i will work harder in trying , and in disregarding my cynical nature .

im not sure if my interpretation is warped , but there is a saying or a preaching , that if someone slaps you on one cheek , instead of retaliation , you turn the other cheek . although i can't see myself practising it literally , (my belief still firmly stands that i will retaliate without holding back) if it's not physical , i can manage . that if someone hurts you , to give another chance . and chances after that . that i can manage :)

i guess this could be something called enlightenment as well ?

oh , perhaps since i have no faith in a normal romance and only in whirlwind romance which has always been what worked for me , that's why mine have all been whirlwinds so far . nothing wrong with that , but normal for once in a while is a welcome change that i could manage too .

typing this did get a load off my chest . i've resolved to believe once more after a long time and i'll let you know where that gets me :) do try too because it will definitely make you a happier person in some way or another .

... and now i'm really tempted to read the secret for myself .

that's all !
i'm going back to kid after my bath . it's good that i have an off on wednesday so i can work on him . hopefully . kthnxbye ♥